learning the ropes.

While I haven’t previously considered myself all that kinky (my husband, Graham, disagrees with this assessment), my girlfriend, Rowan, definitely is. And perhaps it’s just natural for someone to want to explore and learn more about what their partner(s) are into. 


So on a Thursday, when I heard that our group meetup location for the evening got changed from a favorite cocktail bar to a rope class…. I decided to be a yes man — err — yes woman, and sign up! I think Rowan was quite surprised by my interest, but she happily agreed to go as a couple. Our guys (her husband, Jax, my boyfriend, Ethan, and my husband, Graham) were all busy with other plans… so we were guilt-free in not inviting them along, and were kind of excited to have some girl time doing an activity just the two of us. I was actually quite enlivened to be trying something new so spur of the moment. Perhaps that’s one on a list of reasons Rowan says that, in addition to the title of girlfriend, I hold the title of her “go to adventure girl”. 


So off to my impromptu Thursday night adventure with Rowan. We met at her place before heading to the class together. I had no idea what to expect, to be honest, but I really enjoyed the vibe of the whole class. It felt very low key, and I found that, while the word “dungeon” may be off-putting to some, it really wasn’t scary in the least. It looked more like… well, a previously large office / study in a 1.5 million dollar home now turned “adult jungle-gym”, to be exact. {Side note: Apparently this was either a side job for the instructor, or I’ve chosen the wrong profession and need to learn how to become a rope / bondage instructor.}

Rope tying (or “rigging”) itself was quite fun. I mean, there we were… like sexy girl scouts earning our knot tying badge. I couldn’t help but grin watching Rowan slowly, gracefully tying a long rope around my waist… with just enough forcefulness. Then she sensually worked her way down my right thigh with a ladder knot…. periodically piercing me with her intensely blue eyes looking directly into mine as she worked her way… carefully, methodically… down to my ankle. It was evident she’d done this before. I tried not to grin too big. Rowan relishes being in control, so already being the rope top (the one doing the tying) at this point… If I gave her too much of a reaction and let her be fully aware of the effect she was having on me it would go straight to her gorgeous red head.

Have I mentioned she’s stunning? Strong, intelligent, bold, vivacious… with a gentle, soft side she doesn’t let many see. I feel honored that she trusts me with that space, actually. She thinks I don’t know how rare it is that she lets her guard down, but I do, and I plan to continue being worthy of that trust. 

She’s my first girlfriend, so I’m definitely learning. I really love that we were friends first, and that things have just grown organically over time. We really bonded on a trip to Mexico together; I feel like we barely just knew each other when she asked me to join her on an international excursion last minute. {A story for another day} To be honest, I really don’t know how I got so lucky… again. Jax and Rowan are so respectful of not only me, but also of my other partners. They’re kind… thoughtful, uniquely intentional and responsible in how they conduct themselves in their relationships… and they’re impeccable communicators. 


While it might appear difficult to be in a relationship with four other people {I believe on average, it’s probably QUITE challenging}, I can say I’m blessed not to have the sole responsibility of considering and protecting the needs of all my partners… because they’re all beautiful, kind, amazing people who are all considering and looking out for each other as well. It’s hard to describe that feeling… when you recognize your partners showing love and consideration to each other… and you love them all even more as a result. It’s nothing short of beautiful.


Rowan and Jax have both have made it clear they value my friendship first and foremost, as well as their friendship with my partners, Graham and Ethan. They’re truly amazing people. We just click. And we’ve all acknowledged we have the potential to be lifelong friends, if not the “more than friends” relationship we’re currently exploring. I think that makes it easier… learning as you go and not fearing the possibility of it not working as a specific form of romantic relationship. That’s one of the joys of polyamory. There’s a much broader definition of success. Poly relationships have a unique ability to adapt over time, change and grow with the people in them. There’s no one size fits all. Instead you get something beautifully tailored, just for you and yours. 


So for now we’re taking things slow… savoring the journey as we learn the ropes… together ♡

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